What does it cost you when you close the door on a relationship? What does it cost you when you allow the story in your head to take over and convince you that so and so has it out for you? What does it cost you when you continually replay yesterday's or last weeks conversation over and over in your head spinning it to fit your ego. What does the resentment towards another cost you?
When I went to yoga teacher training I saw a poster on the wall that I will never forget, it said "you are a concern for looking good" these words summed up my life. I created on the outside what I thought the world wanted to see, it lacked authenticity and most of my relationships were very shallow, essentially I worked from the place of fear. I learned from this experience to drop the mask, we are all Heroes on this adventure of life. Today as I got on my mat I was trying to figure out why certain people behave the way they do? Why do they lack the patience? Are their actions driven by pure soulfulness or the ego? Is it because they feel as though they are not enough? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction? Yoga attempts to dampen our reaction to the world around yet I feel that sometimes it is necessary to take action after thorough reflection. If I am resentful to one person, if I am a harbinger of ill will to one and I think the rest of my relationships are great well; this is a lie. In order to understand this and connect to it I need to be in inquiry, a truthful honest look at myself.
Many years ago I began this journey of inward reflection, as I got older I became more of an asshole, thinking I was right all of the time, if it wasn't my way it was the wrong way, these are character defects. In the Yoga Sutras it discusses the term "Samskara" which I have determined means: "the sum of life's experiences up to now". I mention this so you can understand the why of who you are, this really helped me.
If I am to grow as a teacher, human and friend, I need to begin to trust and let it be, as I stated in my earlier paragraph this is not my base however; when I am connected to meditation and inquiry I can begin to feel and my actions then come from my heart and not my head. There is a subtle difference between thinking and feeling, many of us are unaware of this difference; I begin to notice the thinking aspect for example when I obsess over a particular thing, the feeling aspect requires attention on my body, as feeling originates there, tingly, butterflies, a sensation in your physicalness.
In order to heal the space of pain and anguish I need to first forgive. Once I am able to forgive I can surrender my resentment, really a resentment if my defense of saying "I'm right and you're wrong". Taking these actions creates space for love and as a result all of my other relationships flourish. It does not mean that I am a door mat, trust is earned and can easily be tossed out with the trash by hiding, or acting in a way that does not exemplify friendship life is one where you make a choice what are you a stand for? You stand for everything so really you stand for nothing.
Take a stand, let go of your resentment, join me a many others who are doing the work to increase the love we share with the world.